Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Ninja model - why it's better to NOT steal my phone

As some of you might have seen in my statuses, I got mugged on the 12th of December at 1:00am.

A lot of folks here asked what happened (others also exhibited a plain lack of concern - which is a great way of telling true friends from fake ones).

I didn't know I had ninja powers. But I have no other explanation.

The perpetrator sneaked up on me from behind as I was calling a friend. He got hold of my phone, and probably didn't expect I was going to hold on to it for as long as I did - as he eventually managed to take it I turned around, grabbed his scarf and started.... strangling the guy. I strangled him so hard I had blood all over my hand. NOT a joke. It's what when nails break at the wrong place.


He managed to run eventually and me after him with my high-heeled boots and a heavy - but fancy -handbag (this deserves a note to self: next time you get attacked carry less useless, only-females-know-why-they-have-this-on-them-anyways articles). At that point I decided I was going to use my secret weapon - opera trained lungs. 

Balenciaga in my hand and working on my high C, I managed to attract enough attention to get people to join me in my late night marathon. I'd lost sight of him for a short moment but there he was. Panting and looking rather exasperated the aggressor has found himself in the firm clutch of a strong pair of male arms. 

He said he'd bring us to where the phone was. He lied.

He managed to escape again which was another occasion to do my opera-marathon with new people. We must have been around 10... 

This time we wouldn't let hold of him.   I've rarely seen that much "who the living hell is this chick?!" on somebody's face when I politely (fact!) asked him to render the loot. As a matter of fact, I was surprised by myself as much as he was but surely I wasn't going to admit. The timing seemed perfect to also make use of my acting chops.

As badass as I managed to make this sound and as much as I'd like to give it a happy ending, there isn't one. The police didn't find the phone and had to release him after 24h.

I don't know why one would get into the trouble of stealing a telephone that will be blocked instantly anyways. Is the 40€ you'll sell its pieces for on Ebay really worth the hassle? I mean, you could have actually done something with your life in those 24h. Read my blog for example. You'd have known I don't let people f-word with me much. 

Good luck to you and I hope you'll find a better reason to be treading this Earth. 

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