Thursday, December 8, 2016

Find the one who hears your music the same way you do - T. Kearby

Looking back at 2016, and even earlier than that, I've come to a grim conclusion - I know this might seem like an odd thing to say because "Magda is such an optimist".

First of all, fuck this. It's been a long time since I've wanted to say "fuck". I never use swear words when writing - not very ladylike, is it! "Magda is so classy". Well, fuck this. I've had it. I'm DONE! I'm done pretending. 

Why is it that we think we have to prove something to the world by living our life? Seriously!! Career, looks, the area our apartment is in.... I reminisce 2016, and I'm asking myself "What the living fuck have you been doing since the turn of the millennium, Magda??"

Can I honestly look back and say I created the life I wanted? It might look like that on the outside but there are cracks starting to show, undeniably and more and more. You can live in denial of who and what you are only for that long before going mental.


Here's the thing, I'm done. There comes a point where you either look the tiger in the eye and grab it by its horns (well, not exactly but you get my point) OR you sort of peek at it and then pee yourself and get eaten.

The first slap to wake me up came from my dear @lutz_huelle who said "It's quite astonishing, you're witty and smart which stands in complete opposition to the image you convey in social media". Why, thank you, no one's ever told me I looked like a stupid bimbo in a more sophisticated way than you  did, my friend. Chapeau.

Joking aside, suddenly I realised I couldn't blame "karma" or the universe for the kind of guys I was attracting - I alone was the culprit! Putting there an image of me that... wasn't me; thinking in terms of quantity of likes rather than their quality. Interestingly enough, some of my favourite images (to keep Instagram as an example) get the lowest number of likes BUT the people who give them are the people whose friendship and opinion I value most. 

I think they might hear my music the same way I do.

By doing the right things according to your personal truth you invite rightness into your life. By doing anything that violates your integrity you invite chaos and frustration.

In 2017 I'm... letting go. There are things and people I don't need. It is possible to live without anybody's approval to be the way I want to. Amen.

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